be the person your dog thinks you are
love yourself so we have something in common
Hotel showers are really weird because they can range anywhere from “gently peeing on you” to “I fear for the safety of my nipples”
Of course Clark Gregg knows what S.H.I.E.L.D. stands for.
the number of times i think “i don’t care” while people are talking to me is really getting out of hand
In the future they’re gonna sell you air and you’re gonna fuckin buy it.
The lorax is a prophecy
My least favorite thing is straight men who come into lush and act like it’s a direct attack on their manhood coming up to me like “I’m in here for my girlfriend” ok thanks for confirming your heterosexuality everyone who likes soap is usually gay
This generation of girls are angry because they’re either too young for David Beckham or too old for his sons
BEWARE: smoking weed can have dangerous side effects, such as never shutting the fuck up about the fact you smoke weed